ON BEING TOO MUCH (full version)
i have always been intense. intensely passionate, intensely curious, intensely intellectual, loving, emotional, sexual, you name it. for the majority of my life i believed that this was shameful and tried to tone it down. i tried to talk less, be less, keep my opinions to myself, hide when i was hurt etc.
fast-forward to today and i am literally in a circle of friends that calls itself “The Too Much Club” – every one of us has, at one point or other, been told that we are “too much.” it has been so incredibly healing to find this tribe with whom i can be ALL of myself. it’s given me the courage to show up and play as the full-out me everywhere else in my life.
the Too Much Club serves many purposes. we play and party, but we also hold each other in times of intensity. when i was heart-broken last year i didn’t want to talk about it. i was scared that, like in the past, I’d be a burden… that i’d be too much. in this delicate moment, The Too Much Club showed up hard. they told me that witnessing me in my sadness made them love me MORE. for us, it’s about turning the volume UP rather than down. it’s about celebrating every inch of darkness and every ounce of light. it’s about saying YES to it all.
in my praise of being extra, i do not wish to imply that there is anything wrong with being mellow or low-key. if it feels authentic to your being to be more on the quiet and reserved side of the spectrum, ain’t nuthin wrong with that. sadly, i think many of us are still giving into the fear that, if we were to embody our fullest selves, we’d be ousted from the pack.
i get this. i too have been drunk on the koolaid of a society that praises modesty and homogeneity over individuality and self expression. i bought into that illusion… and, throughout my life, attracted friends, colleagues and partners that confirmed and legitimized my fears.
there was the man who told me i should speak more like a lady. the boyfriend before that who, when i would cry or be hurt, would completely retreat emotionally saying, “i just didn’t know how to handle you when you’re like this.” growing up, my mom would yell at me but send me to my room if i yelled back. there were those “best friends” who ghosted on me when i got so sick and just needed love. and so on.
if this post resonates with you, then dear heart, your soul has come to this planet in order to shine and to stand out. your too-muchness is a gift waiting for you to unwrap it. you are meant to be a walking permission slip for all the other gifted, fabulous earth angels to feel free to reveal their super powers to the world. you are perfect just as you are, and, if the people in your world seem to think otherwise, then perhaps it’s time to branch out.
the key may just be finding your own “too much club” to see and celebrate you for the epic genius that you are.